A Lazy Perfectionist

By Nicole Cobar

The definition of irony is, “The expression of one’s meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite, typically for humorous or emphatic effect.” However, the irony that is inside of me is not humorous, but a daily battle. Every day, I have to fight myself to get tasks, big and small, completed. I have so many ideas and zero will to execute them. I am a lazy perfectionist.

If you know me, then you know that I am a perfectionist. Last year, when I was a freshman starting a new school where no one knew me, one of the first comments a teacher made to me was, “You’re a bit of a perfectionist, aren’t ya?”

Being a perfectionist is not inherently wrong. Even though it has been proven to have a negative toll on one’s mental health, I do not dislike the fact that I am a perfectionist. I think being a perfectionist is one of my best traits. I am always searching for perfection, in my schoolwork, in my relationships, and in myself, yet I never find it, so I work harder, trying to achieve perfection, even though I know I never will. I always put out the best work I can because I am a perfectionist. Being a perfectionist has helped me improve myself in all aspects of my life.

The problem comes when my second most dominant personality trait kicks in: Laziness. I do not like to say that I am lazy. Instead, I typically say that I, “Enjoy leisure.” The truth probably lies between the two, as my laziness is not pure, raw lazy. It is more of an unwillingness to start any project, from my homework to even more trivial tasks like laundry. Once I start working, I don’t stop, however, trying to pick up my pencil so I can start my homework can be an uphill battle. Truth be told, sometimes, I would rather be sleeping.

There are many times where those two traits fight for dominance. Typically, my laziness wins, and I end up procrastinating on whatever assignment I am supposed to be doing. Then, with only a couple of hours until the deadline, I start working. In a time crunch, it is almost as if my perfectionism takes complete control. Unfortunately, under such constraints for time, I do not allow myself enough time to perfect my work. The moment I press the ‘submit’ button or I hand my work to the teacher I start to think of hundreds of things I wish I had done differently with the assignment. My laziness is something I have yet to shake off. Maybe to achieve the perfection I am searching for, I need to quit being lazy.